Are you a good best friend?

John David Back
3 min readNov 29, 2017

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Author’s Note: First off, let’s all agree that “best friends” is a concept for childhood and nostalgia. We’re in our 30’s now, really you’re going to have “great pals” and “colleagues” and “my goddam family”. For the sake of my advice, though, I’m going to say best friend.

Being a true BFF

Being a best friend is very simple. People think it is this sacred thing — you have to know each other from childhood or go through a traumatic experience like Black Friday together. Not true. It’s actually very simple if you put your mind to it. I will tell you exactly how to be a great best friend for anyone who you deem worthy of your love and affection.

I personally believe I am a better friend to all my friends than they are to me. Probably because they haven’t read this to do list.

How to be a great best friend

  1. Never, ever, under any circumstances say anything bad about your best friend to anyone ever. Not even really to them. They may say they want the truth, but they really want you to understand their truth and repeat it to them.
  2. You can be better looking or better dressed than them, obviously, but seem apologetic about it.
  3. If you are able, pay for things and do not ever expect anything in return. Coffee, lunch, a snack, whatever. Pretend like you are giving the money to a complete stranger.
  4. See the person regularly.
  5. Text the person daily, or nearly daily.
  6. Send them dank memes.
  7. Be able to keep their darkest secrets. If they tell you something earth shattering, that could crash companies or destroy lives, never tell a soul. You must live with the weight of it.
  8. Relentlessly object to their shitty music choices.
  9. Never hook up with their ex. I don’t give a shit how adamant they are that they don’t care. This one starts to matter less since at my age everyone is married and out of shape.
  10. If they want you to help get them a job, give it at least a 50% effort.
  11. Be the DD sometimes, or at least offer to pay for the Uber.
  12. Find the balance between telling them their horrible life choices are okay and subtly nudging them toward being less ratchet.
  13. Take the blame.
  14. Be a good listening ear, but don’t let them dwell in misery too much.

This list is super dope and very easy to digest. Please print out a copy and keep it on your nightstand.

Friendship in general needs help

There are some common sense things to consider when thinking about friendship. You can’t obviously be best friends with everyone, but you can have some really great friends who you would call besties. Those things are things like: be generally, not brutally, honest. Never engage in gossip. Never physically strike, burn, or otherwise maim. Never stand someone up. Be 5 minutes early to everything.

In this super connected world we live in now, the way friendships work is entirely evolving. For example, it’s possible to have friends that you simply never meet in person. You might have buddies you regularly play video games with. Someone you talk to on Twitter. Someone you talk to on Fox News forums while you make fun of liberals.

What’s missing from digital friendships, in my mind, are the true necessary pieces of human interaction. Reading body language, sharing actual laughs, looking someone in the eye while they’re talking: these are the things that truly bind people. Seek those out.

I’d also suggest, and this is probably a topic for an entire other post, that you take a good hard look at all of your relationships, and pare out any that aren’t of positive value to both of you.

Good luck out there.

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John David Back
John David Back

Written by John David Back

Peanut butter first, code second.

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