I’ve been a K-and-1 Soccer Coach for Over Two Weeks

I have an extensive, multi-week background in coaching little girls’ soccer. I feel it is my duty to first-time and new coaches to impart some hard won wisdom. I can remember just what it was like, more than two weeks ago, worrying about coaching eight 5-and-6 year olds the European sport of soccer. Let me tell you, everything you think you know about what this experience is going to be like is wrong. I’ve documented the 9 biggest takeaways that I can think of off the top of my head in this coffee shop (edited in this coffee shop).

Photo by Travel Nomades on Unsplash

Coaching little girls at soccer: 9 things to keep in mind

1. Whatever your expectations for yourself, they are too high. The last thing on these kids’ minds is your philosophy on the art of sport. They want to have fun and make friends and kick things. Full stop. You are a “fun” facilitator.
2. They will never not use their hands. A couple of them get it and try to use their feet, but 100% of first time soccer players pay little or no attention to the “rules” of “the game”. In fact they will border on ungovernable.
3. They will get their head caught in the net. I don’t know why this is but it happens at every practice.
4. One of them will put little pieces of grass all over the lid of your water bottle. It will then taste like grass until you wash it. I wish I had a good explanation or remediation for this — maybe sprinkle the immediate area with vinegar to repel them? Hard to say. Little girls are a mystery.
5. The more you, as the coach, run, and the more you cheer, the higher the fun and participation quotient. Frenetic physical activity is contagious in small children and you are encouraged to act like a lunatic. Joyful shouting on your part is expected.
6. It is impossible to know if a child at practice is being serious or dramatic. One girl repeatedly tells me how she will not participate, only to then be the most participatory girl out there. She also told me was frozen once, and that she couldn’t walk another time. She also pretended to be dead for a little while. All you can do is wait it out. Generally speaking they will remain alive throughout the session.
7. If you let them plan / pick the activities, expect chaos. You’ll get 8 little girls telling you 8 ways to play “sharks and minnows” that involves every possible action and outcome. Somehow it will organically work, but you will never know what the rules are, and you’ll get chastised a lot for breaking them.
8. Kids like being chased. Incorporate this into every practice. Expect shrieking.
9. Your only job is to make them excited about coming to practice every week, and willing to get out there and play on game day. Give the nervous ones plenty of space and encouragement. Positive reinforcement is your best tool. Your litmus test for success is how many girls sign up next season.

What this advice means

It occurs to me reading this that nowhere did I mention tactics or techniques. Winning games didn’t really occur to me when I took this job. My hope really is to just keep the wheels on every week. I have no clue what we’ll do on game day. Eat snack and drink water and feel like we accomplished something would be the perfect outcome for me.

This all might be a little more Ted Lasso than … I can’t think of any pro soccer coaches. You get the point. I don’t recommend you go out there to train killers. I don’t recommend shouting or shaming or bullying. I recommend building confidence and fun into the sport and worrying about savagery when they are 8+.

Good luck out there, coach!