My own medicine and its taste
Give him a taste of his own medicine! they shouted.
I’m going to use this post as a way to list out all the medicine that I dole out to friends, family, loved ones, coworkers, colleagues, employees, and perfect strangers. Specifically, this is my own medicine that I hate taking. If you find me trying to give you a taste of this medicine, I implore you to hold me accountable for taking it myself. Slap me with a glove and challenge me to a duel at dawn in the glen across the river.
Stop cursing so much! I have a bad habit with bad language. It’s not good. My nearly-three-year-old has said some things that I know for a fact she picked up from my lexicon. It’s tragic. Also words like “literally”, “dude”, “at the end of the day”, “anyway”, “anathema”, are overused.
If you’re going to do it, do it right! It’s an utter hypocrisy how many times I just wing things. This blog post for example.
Don’t drink coffee after 1pm. What else can I even say here?
You really need to be present in the moment, you know? I am forever and always obsessively pulling out my cell phone to do literally (damn it) nothing on it. Scroll through news article headlines. Refresh my work email. Text Mike about being a Republican. I miss important things when I’m not paying attention.
Be patient, count to 10 then respond. My temper is notably bad. It’s something I struggle with continuously. I have started sending particularly tricky emails to other people to proof for me before I send them. I shouted a curse word (I know) this morning about getting soapy water on my dress pants.
Pick up after yourself, you slob! I am always telling people on my team to put their dishes in the dishwasher or clean off the table after themselves. Twice this week I left my lunch out on the main dining table. Twice! All night and all day!
Waste not, want not. I am notorious for blowing money on silly crap or throwing away most of a meal that I forgot to put in the fridge and it stayed out all night. Or dropping an ice cream cone on the ground. Or forgetting those reusable bags when I got to the grocery.
You need to carve out focus time and get good work done! Whenever I find that I have a long stretch without meetings I put my headphones on with incredible intent to get sh*t done and I end up checking email for 3 hours or wandering around or drinking 11 cups of coffee or bothering every single one of my colleagues who is anywhere without shouting distance.
Look both ways before you cross the street, Josephine! I already know for a fact that the way I die is by getting hit by a car — I see it in my mind’s eye. I have dreamed this. I jaywalk bluntly and casually and it’s going to be my doom.
Eat healthy! I had macaroni and cheese, a piece of pizza I stole from a child, a cookie with green frosting, and trail mix for dinner.
Probably a bunch of other things.
One of the biggest flaws of our collective humanity is our inability to stop nitpicking one another for even one minute. We are terrible at it. I don’t know if we learned that from our parents because they are just that way, or if it’s human nature, or what. I, for one, am going to sweep my own doorstep starting now. I now won’t tell you to put down the churro if my own mouth is covered in cinnamon sugar.
